Hey, what’s this player doing here?! Click it to hear the author narrate this blog post.
New in town? There’s a lot of asphalt to cover out here under the palm trees. Mastering the following will help you to blend in while enjoying all that the shiny city has to offer.
- It is your job to block anyone from entering your lane in front of you. While you are driving in it it is YOUR lane.
- When driving in the fast lane on the freeway, tail. If the car in front of you is going 75, you want to go 76.
- Race to the red light. That’s what the guy next to you is doing.
- Be a dick. If this is aspirational for you stay off the 101, 110, 10, 405, 105, and 5 freeways.
- Don’t wait for a red light to check your make-up. You’ll need those long red light minutes to spend quality time with your dog. He’s on your lap, right?
- Turn signals should be used sparingly. You don’t want other drivers to think you’re going to change lanes or you’ll never get over (see tip #1).
- Painted lines in parking lots are there to help you, not limit you. Got a house sized car? Don’t bother to stay within the lines. This is parking, not coloring.
- Look pretty. There are cameras everywhere.
*photo and audio updated May 2018