8 Tips for driving in LA*

LA traffic scene

Hey, what’s this player doing here?! Click it to hear the author narrate this blog post.

New in town? There’s a lot of asphalt to cover out here under the palm trees. Mastering the following will help you to blend in while enjoying all that the shiny city has to offer.

  1. It is your job to block anyone from entering your lane in front of you. While you are driving in it it is YOUR lane.
  2. When driving in the fast lane on the freeway, tail. If the car in front of you is going 75, you want to go 76.
  3. Race to the red light. That’s what the guy next to you is doing.
  4. Be a dick. If this is aspirational for you stay off the 101, 110, 10, 405, 105, and 5 freeways.
  5. Don’t wait for a red light to check your make-up. You’ll need those long red light minutes to spend quality time with your dog. He’s on your lap, right?
  6. Turn signals should be used sparingly. You don’t want other drivers to think you’re going to change lanes or you’ll never get over (see tip #1).
  7. Painted lines in parking lots are there to help you, not limit you. Got a house sized car? Don’t bother to stay within the lines. This is parking, not coloring.
  8. Look pretty. There are cameras everywhere.
*photo and audio updated May 2018